Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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