I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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