just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
