I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
