She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
