Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
