I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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