how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
