I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
