Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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