That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
