I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
