I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
