a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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