another moral hangover. fuck.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
