you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
