I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
