I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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