im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
