and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
