need another drink. this is the easiest way
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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