You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
