I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
