My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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