? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
