yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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