dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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