This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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