I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize