I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
