i need an iv and a liver transplant
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
