our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
