It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
