i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize