i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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