I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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