Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
