he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
