She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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