Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize