dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
