Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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