Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
