he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
