Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
