she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
