Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
