Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
