I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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