Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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