how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
