and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
