They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
