I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
