I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
