IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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