i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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