yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
