It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize