At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
pray to the hookup gods
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
