Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
