Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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