On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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