I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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