Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We named our party play list daddy issues
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
