Define "chronic" masturbator.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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