The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
