she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
