yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
