We're like a lot better than the average bears
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
