you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
