you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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