operation have a gay friend backfired
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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