absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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