fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
