you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
