JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
