Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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