My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
